unspoken dreams

I do not if it's because of the weather or what but for the past 2 days, I've been very, very sleepy. And I mean it. Before I tend to fall asleep easily but now I think I can no longer control it. *sigh* Anyway, because of this, I had a few bloopers. Blooper #1. I'm on my way to work and I only ate oatmeal before I left the house. Immediately I got hungry and luckily, I have Nova chips in my bag. So I started eating and to my surprise, I fell asleep.. WHILE EATING!  Blooper #2 I'm on my way to work and I was talking to Bebe, I told her I am sleepy and I think it's unusual since it's still early for me to be sleepy. Boom! that's my last message because I already fell asleep! Blooper #3 Earlier tonight, I'm on my way home. I was still drinking C2 and texting my friends and after that I can no longer remember anything. I woke up and I'm already way beyond where I should get off. Okay. It took me additional 30mins to go back. I just hope t...

The vast majority of us, since childhood, have been trying desperately to prove our worth. We try to prove our worth to our parents, teachers, friends and lovers. We become so absorbed in meeting their standards that we missed out finding our own potential. To focus our life in proving ourselves to others is not only a loosing battle but a waste of time. The downside of proving your worth to others is that different people has different standards of what being “worthy” means. To be obsessed in proving our worth to another person is to give that person control in your life. Now think how many persons are you trying to prove your worth? Ten?   That mean 10 people are somehow stirring your life in 10 different directions. Feeling dizzy? If we give more time meeting other’s standards, we may sacrifice finding our own identity. God did not create us to prove ourselves to others, but to live life to the full. Jesus Himself said: “I have come that they may have life, and hav...

I find it rewarding whenever I my friends with anything. Last night, 2 of my friends, had issues with their lovelife. Isn’t this the favorite topic of almost everyone? Anyway, since there’s two of them now, I decided to do a conference call so that we can talk all at the same time and of course to save more time. Hehe.   One of them have trust and infidelity issues, he already caught his partner once doing hanky panky with someone else and yet maybe due to love, they decided to go back together. During that time, I can perfectly remember what I told him. “if you cannot give your trust again as if nothing happened, then do not go back to that relationship. It’ll all be nothing if you do not have trust. Yes. Love is there but if there’s no trust, love will soon fade away.” After a few weeks, same scenario happened. He discovered something about his partner that made him doubtful again. This time, I told him the same thing, “Guard your heart and follow it but do not forget to use you...

2007 Graduation Picture At present. 2011. 2011 I used to have a lean body during college maybe because of the strenuous schedule and nerve wracking requirements. After I graduated, I worked in a call center company and was given the graveyard shift. After a few months, I had problems staying awake at work. There are times I found myself sleeping at my work station so as a solution I ended up eating junk foods just to keep myself awake. Then, the nightmare came. I gained weight. I lost self confidence. I feel like I don’t have the guts to present myself in public. And given my situation before, I find it very difficult to focus on my health. As time passed by, I learn to accept things the way it is though I must admit that I exert efforts to go lose weight. I tried enrolling myself to the gym, it worked but then again due to my inconsistent work schedule and workload, I have problem continuing my program. I also tried playing badminton, but then again, I have to stop bec...

“Anong pinaka sweet na bagay na ginawa ng partner mo sayo?” tanong nya. “Ang hirap isipin. Pero siguro during the time that I was assign sa Cagayan De Oro for a month and sinundan nya ko para samahan for one month.” Ang sagot ko. Bigla akong napaisip. Ano nga ba makakapag pasaya sa isang tao? Paano mo mararamdaman na mahalaga ka? Time. Mahirap ibigay ang oras. Mahirap maglaan ng oras. Bago mo pa maramdaman ang sweetness, ang thoughtfulness at lahat pa ng “ness” you need to spare some time. Mahirap naman magpaka sweet kung wala kang time, diba? Kahit sa phone, in person o sa chat pa yan – it all requires time. Ang pagbibigay mo ng oras sa mga taong mahahalaga sayo only shows kung gano sila kahalaga. Yung mga oras na ginugugol mo sa kanila, pwedeng pwede mo gamitin sa ibang bagay, sa ibang tao, pero mas pinili mo sya. Madalas, sa mga tao ngayon, hindi na napapansin ito. Akala maliit na bagay lang, na simple lang ang oras. Pero kugn tutuusin, halos lahat di pagkaakunawaan pwedeng mag uga...

Last Sunday, I attended our Church’s service. As always, I felt like Ptr. Bong was talking to me. He reminded us that God want us to pray at all times, for in praying we talk to Him. It’s our chance to tell Him whatever we would like to say. And recently, sad to say, I had less time to pray. I am guilty. I feel ashamed. Just like what the Lord told us in Thessalonians 5:16 - 18 16   Rejoice always,   17   pray continually,   18   give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. Regardless if we’re happy, sad, angry, terrified, lost, satisfied or anything, we have to pray. We have to pray to ask for guidance and most importantly, to glorify Him for everything. Starting tonight, I will try my very best to be more prayerful and to spare time for Him.

Last Sunday, I watched Gandang Gabi Vice and one of the celebrity guest that night is Melanie Marquez. I can’t help but laugh whenever she open her mouth. Para s’yang naka drugs especially when she mentioned that she’s not fond of “SIGNATORIAL” clothes. Because of that, I tried to collate all her quotable quotes and create my own Melanism or The Dictionary of Melanies words of wisdom. Enjoy! Ø      Ø   "That's why I'm a success, it's because I don't middle in other people's lives." Ø   "I won't stoop down to my level." Ø   "My brother is not a girl; he's a gentleman." Ø   "Bakit ang dami mong tanong? You're so questionable." Ø   "Eto na po ang pinakamaligayang pasko at manigong taon sa inyong lahat. (during her acceptance speech at a Metro Filmfest awards night where her bioflick, directed by her late father Temyong Marquez, won an award)" Ø   "I don't eat meat. I'm not a carnival." ...

Opo. Biktima ako ng pagmamaltrato. Hindi ako pinapakain ng mga panahon na ito. Isa akong cowboy. Hindi ako yung tipikal na pa susyal ng lipunan. Pwede kong gawin kahit ano. Kahit saan mo ko ilagay kaya kong mabuhay. Siguro dala na din ito ng community immersion ko nung nag aaral pa ko. Nasubukan kong tumira sa isang barangay na walang tubig at kuryente. Nasubukan ko na matulog sa isang sofa – na walang kutson. Maligo sa ilog at mamundok. Lahat yan napagdaanan ko nung nag aaral pa ko. Kaya malamang nawala yung kakatiting na arte ko sa katawan. Mahirap umarte sa mga ganun sitwasyon bukod pa sa pinagbabawalan talaga kami ng CI namin. Baka daw kase mailang yung mga tao sa amin. Mula nuon, nagging game na ko sa lahat. Kahit ano at kahit saan pwede ako. Pero hindi ko pa din naman inaalis ang breeding ko. Mahirap na. Baka maging Marian Rivera ver2.0 ako. Basta ang alam ko, walang masama kung ganito ako o kung may mga ganitong uri ng tao dahil alam ko na kami yung tatagal ng buhay ditto sa...

Technically, it’s been a while since the last time I deeply fell in love. For more almost 2 years now, I’ve been waiting for another one to come. I’ve dated a few individual but still, nothing has changed. I do not know if I become numb or maybe I am just scared to get hurt again. I think whatever pain I’ve experienced in the past is already enough and that I love myself more now that I am trying to protect my heart from unnecessary pain. But lately I’ve been trying to open myself up a little. I want to be loved and to love again. Love is worth all the pain after all.

He is cool. He is nice. He is matured and well established. He is adventurous. He is God-fearing. He is family oriented. And most of all, he is imperfect. He is my friend. And that’s the reality I have to face. Nothing more, nothing less. 

I’ve been sickly these past few weeks. For some reason, whenever it’s already mid-week, I will get sick until the end of the week making it impossible for me to enjoy my much awaited rest day. Just like now, I just recovered from flu and now tonsillitis. Cool isn’t it?? I noticed that whenever I stop taking my vitamins, I get sick. So I promised myself that I will never ever ever ever miss taking my vitamins! And in addition to that, a friend of my introduced Berocca to me. It’s a multi vitamins in tablet for but you cannot take it as it is since it’s as big as Php10 coin! Haha! You have to dissolve it in a glass of water. But wait, there’s a surprise. It sizzles or something like that. Aliw! Haha! But I really do not like the taste. It tastes like Royal. Anyway, one effect that I noticed is that it gives me an instant energy boost. In short, hyper ang peg ko! Even if I do not feel well, I can’t help it but to move around and talk! So I guess I have to take my meds first before taking...

My source of energy lately. All my gorgeous friends @ work My ladies. Thoughts of leaving them always bring tears into my eyes. btw, less than half pa lang yan. :) Sa ilang taon ng pagtatrabaho ko, madami akong natutunan, madami akong nakilala. Hindi na rin mabilang ang pawis at luha na lumabas sa akin sa ngalan ng tapat na pagttrabaho. Kaiba sa lahat, hindi ako sanay makipag trabaho sa iba pang Area Coordinator marahil dahil na rin sa pamamaraan ng pagtuturo sa akin ng dati kong boss. Sanay lang ako na umiikot ang mundo ko sa ka partner ko at sa boss ko. Sa aming tatlo lang. At daig pa naming ang may super power na kaya naming pagalawin ang buong Pilipinas. Ganyan kami kagaling. Hindi pa lumalabas ang karakter ni Anna Manalastas, nauna na kami sa kanya. Ganyan and team up naming dati. Fierce and powerful. Pero hindi naman lahat pang habambuhay. Nagsimula na silang tumahak ng ibang landas. At ako? Naiwan ako dito. Ilang beses ko na din binalak na umalis. Nakakapagod na din kase...

I’m sorry if I have to step back a little. I tend to get be attached easily. That’s something I do not like about myself and I’m in a continuous process of improving on that. We are good friends, I must say. It turned out to be that I am your confidante. That’s fine. But soon after, I realized that there’s a spark within me that might lead into something else. Do you remember when we held hands and your face is close to mine? Close enough to or me to feel your breath. It was never easy. I am fighting temptation. Nothing more than that should happen. I cannot let that happen. There’s so many reasons that I no longer need to enumerate but on top of that, I care and love you as my friends that’s why I opted not to entertain the thought or should I say the feelings. I know you can’t help it but to notice those little changes that happened to me. I’m sorry. I cannot say this to you then since you were going through something and I don’t want to open another pathway of confusion into your mi...

I feel disconnected today. I need GV. =l

Bebe Hazel It feels so good to be surrounded with good friends. As they say, “Friends are the family that you can choose so better choose great people”. With all my experiences in life, I gained a lot of friends and a handful of true friends and that includes my girl friends Hazel and NIka. Nika, whom I call “ma’am” for some unknown reason, was my class mate during my highschool days. I can say that she, together with Gladys, made my highschool life memorable. Nika is the believer and practitioner. I am vulgar. Nika is the conservative one. I am the erotic one. Truly, opposite poles attract. And I am glad we were able to maintain the friendship up to now. Ours is the perfect example that true friends may not see each other often but the feelings remain the same. Hazel on the other hand is one of my college buddy. There used to be 5 of us but then again, after we graduated, we all lost contact except for Hazel and I. After around 2yrs of being disconnected from each other after gr...

Friends can be lovers but it’s hard for lovers to be friends. True enough. Recently, I went through this uncomfortable experience. One of my friends went through a rollercoaster rid of his life. Matters of the heart. And as a good friend, I did everything I could. Gave advices and sharing Words of God as it helped me a lot during the times of my struggles. We share a few drinking nights together, days of continuous exchanges of messages just to make him feel good and tons of wasakan moments with other friends. Then upon assessing myself, I’ve realized that there’s a small part of me getting attached to this person. There is now a single, tiny dot of admiration I felt inside me. Trying to be righteous, I don’t want to hit on a friend especially someone who’s going through an emotional catastrophe for I don’t want to cause anymore confusion and/or I don’t want to be accused of taking advantage of the situation. Then I’ve decided to continue being his confidante and adviser until he get...

For the past few days, of being melodramatic due to some uncontrollable, unexpected and surprising emotions, I’ve been downloading and watching movies every night. Thai movies to be particular. It all started when someone introduced the very first Thai movie I’ve seen. “Love of Siam”. The movie touched my heart unexpectedly. Twas a blast for me. I never thought I will enjoy such movie since ever since I never liked watching movies in foreign language. From then on, I’ve been asking and searching for good Thai movies from my friends or just randomly looking for any new stuff in the net. Recently, I’ve seen three more Thai movies. First Love (Crazy Little Thing Called Love), Hello Stranger and Bangkok Traffic Story. And true enough, none of these disappointed me. I don’t know what’s with these Thai movies but they always leave me crying. No kissing scenes, no bed scenes or the like and yet it can give me the “kilig” feeling more than watching a typical Pinoy movie. There are only few hea...