Help me. I can't move.

I am the love guru they say.
I give sensible advices.
I can provide comfort to brokenhearted.
I can turn tears into smiles.


But all these are non sense when I am the one who is heart broken. I am lost. It seems like I can't pick myself up and do all the things that I used to advise others. 


i miss you with all of me.

the man who can't be moved.




I can't move on.


They say a few bottles of beer will help me relax my senses and will help me forget you but they're all wrong. Every night, I find myself dragging my friends to accompany me to the nearest bar to drink my heart out. And when my sight gets all blurry and all my words are slurry, that's the time I will go home for I know, tonight, I will have a good sleep. Long. Uninterrupted. Deep. And most of all, painless. Though I know it's not healthy and it will never be but tell me, how can I control myself? I know, it's mind over matter but I can't just disregard that one person that at one point of my life, is everything to me. Hard to admit but until now, he is.


There are numerous instances that I'm like floating and light headed and non sense for the moment but you can't blame me. My heart and mind is all in him. And when he left, he took it all away from me. Everything. Leaving me with nothing except for broken promises and unfulfilled dreams.


It's not helping me, I know. No one can help me except for myself. These were the words I normally tell my friends who are having a hard time to move on and I guess it's about time for me to apply these words to myself. 

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